lilmod ulelamaid – If you didn’t want a discussion you shouldn’t have gotten involved in the topic.
I think your wife has the wrong friends, Yserbius. That is very atypical of the vast majority of Kollel families. That is also what is probably leading you to reach the mistaken conclusions on the things that you say “What I also find”.
I have to agree with Joe, although I find the same to be true with many Kollel “couples” (vs. families) It is the real long term learners, who have to marry off children while still in Kollel and can’t because they can’t support a son in-law, that are seriously sacrificing for learning.
And I agree with lilmod ulelamaid that many families in Lakewood are still like that. Unfortunately, it no longer defines the city, and the city is not viewed as a city of those who are Mistapek B’Muat.