Reply To: Going off the Derech

I am overwhelmed by all the support and interest that you’ve all showed me, thank you so much for all the advice.

When I said ‘off the derech’, I meant that he has decided to leave Yeshiva, being only a few months away from finishing shiur gimmel, with no plans to go to Yeshiva Gadola, as we had hoped all these years. He is in with a terrible chevra of kids, either off the derech (mechalel Shabbos), or in ‘tapered’ Yeshivas. He listens to all secular music, watches secular movies, and wants no connection to anything ‘religious”. He doesn’t wear tsitsit, let alone black hat and suit. Doesn’t pray, hasn’t learned all month during ben hazmanim. He sleeps ’til about 12pm, then leaves the house ’til around midnight. I’m ‘lucky’ he comes home, since he’s said he wants to sleep out. On the positive side, he still puts on tefillin in the morning (sometimes), wears black and white, with kipa.

Jdb- Thanks, and of course I am davening constantly, but how to show unconditional love to a child who is full of anger, screaming in our faces?

ProudtobeaYid- How can my son see the positive in Yiddishkeit, when he’s disconnected from everything, and doesn’t spend time at home?

Menuch12 and Popa bar abba -You’re right that different things work for different kids, but I haven’t figured out what will work for him. He had a mentor about 3 years ago, and he never opened up. He would never go to counseling in a million years, refused to change schools, and wants no rules at all!

BTGuy- How can he feel my support when he knows I don’t approve of what he’s doing?

Adams- I know my son had some struggles in school, but he’s a very private, closed person, and would never talk to a ‘stranger’. His self esteem is low, how can I keep the light on?

Basically, he’s told me he wants to do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants, no questions asked. My husband and I know where he “hangs out”, should we run there to bring him home? Or let him come home on his own, at his own pace? I’m afraid to let it take its own course bc who knows what else he could get exposed to?