Reply To: Going off the Derech

RSRH – I hear what you are saying, the only thing is this is not happening in a bubble. My other children are already challenging me as to why I don’t “punish” him if he doesn’t go to pray or learn. They also want to miss school, and sleep late. Of course I can’t tolerate loud music on Shabbos, but are you saying soft music would be okay?? The other thing is, he’s already playing his secular music in the house, usually with earphones, but sometimes he takes them out and my other kids hear it. He’ll even sing some of these songs around them. I tell him to please keep it to himself, but how can I enforce anything with him? It seems he’s in complete control. I have no leverage.

Shaul 1- Thanks, but he’s “too big”, and doesn’t want to go places anymore with his parents. He ONLY wants to be with his friends, or sleep.

Soliek- You said, “support him and love him, and he will eventually return”. Is it really true? The funny thing is, I’ve always thought that we gave him the message of loving him, loud and clear. I’ve gone over it in my mind, again and again, looking to see what I missed, what I didn’t give this child. If you ask all my other kids how they feel, they will probably tell you that HE always got the most attention, the most love etc. He is the first born, and we always seemed to have a good relationship, with good communication. I do have some ideas as to what might have caused the anger. One is an experience he had in school many years ago, when the kids were making fun of him. We addressed it a number of times with the principal, but apparently it continued for too long. It got to the point where I begged my son to consider switching schools, but he refused, saying even though some kids were making him miserable, he liked the Rebbes, and wanted to stay. The other issues are situational, and are not something we can change.

Adams- I don’t there is substance abuse, although I’m sure he’s smoking with this chevra.