Reply To: Going off the Derech

Shavua Tov!

adams- There is no way my son is interested in reading or listening to any Torah shiur. And as far as girls go, I don’t think this is a major topic for him at this point, although he may be paying attention more to stuff like that. He’s still kind of shy and insecure.

Mikehall12382- Of course I’ve discussed it with him, but he’s not receptive to anything except hanging out with his friends. You make a good point about Yeshivas offering courses for kids who don’t see themselves continuing in Kollel. In retrospect, perhaps I should have put him in a more modern Yeshiva in the first place.

apushatayid- I don’t think it’s so much a failure in our system of chinuch as it is the inevitable consequence of a technologically advanced society. In a generation where almost everything is computerized, the one thing that can’t be is Shabbos. What can we do about that? The truth is, if it weren’t for Shabbos, I’m afraid the next generation would turn into a bunch of vegetable-like automatons. Shabbos gives us a chance to feel life instead of escaping from it, to connect with the spiritual instead of the electric. The problem is, no matter how beautiful the Shabbos table is, we can’t compete equally with the stimulation and excitement kids get from computer games and videos. A really good dvar Torah is no match unless the child is thrilled learning Torah to begin with.

Bless You- those are nice suggestions, but my son won’t even come to the Shabbos table.

Baal Boose- thanks, I liked your suggestions. But regarding #7, it’s very hard to get him to open up. He doesn’t dwell on emotional things, and if I tried to pry, he’d just end the conversation.

zahavasdad- What can we give our kids on Shabbos that will give them the same thrill, and capture their attention the same way as video games and movies? I put out deserts they like on the table, I try to play games with my kids, go with them to the park, visit friends sometimes, but it’s not always enough.

This Shabbos, my son was invited by his Yeshiva to a Shabbaton. And he went! That was last night, but today he was back to his routine of sleeping late, missing tefillah and not coming to the Shabbos table. Then he spent the whole day out with his chevra again. I don’t know what to make of all this.

On the one hand, he now says maybe he will go back to Yeshiva to finish, but on the other, he says he hates learning, and won’t continue to Yeshiva Gedola. I suggested he consider learning a trade instead, but he doesn’t feel he will fit in there either. I really think he should talk to someone, and my husband has someone in mind, but we can’t get my son to go. The therapist even agreed to come to the house, but how to arrange it so that my son will meet him, let alone talk to him?

As happy as I was to hear that he might go back to Yeshiva, I know it means a tug of war with him in the morning to get up and go on time. His heart is not in it, and I don’t know how to change that, or even if I’m the person who can. Should I bribe him to go to counseling?