WOW- ok so ive been following these posts for a while.. It seems like your son is going through a very standard teenage stage. He’s starting to question things about his life. He’s never really chose to be a frum jew, its been a lifestyle he he has been forced to grow up with. Inside hes questioning all the rules and challenges of being frum and saying to himself why should i be doing this. Contrary to what a lot of people think, i dont think this is necessarily a bad thing. It means he has a brain and is not just going with the flow. He clearly has an independent side of him thats bursting to be shown. Him being frum has to be a decision he makes on his own and it cant be forced into it or bribed into it. Its scary how many guys i know played by the rules until they hit their 20’s and then slowly went off the derech.
Because of this i would encourage him to be independent and make his own life choices. If he wants to watch movies and listen to music there is nothing u can do to stop him he’s his own person. However if you see him encouraging your other children to do these things, simply and respectfully let him know that he’s free to make his own decisons, but youd prefer if the younger children arent exposed to these things.
In a way i can relate to your son i feel like i was in a very simialar situation as a teenager. I remember listening to music in the car and my father nicely asking me why i listen to this music. I gave him the true honest answer, that i didnt think any jewish music compared to it. But i was extremely appreciative that even t this day he doesnt comment on my religiousness he understands i have to pave my own way. You can’t as a parent expect your son to mirror your religious observance exactly, but be respectful of his lifestyle and i promise hel be respecful of yours.
The best advice i can give you now, is to tell you that your son badly needs a role model. A rebbi is possible, but the best person would be someone a few years older who he can relate to. That means this person should be someone who works/college but still keeps his religious values. Your son needs to learn that being frum doesnt mean you should be forced to learn in yeshiva 10 hours a day or wear black and white or anything like that (which it seems like he has no interest in). If someone does that kol hakoved, however you can still be a productive jew and not be a classic yeshivish bochur. There is an amazing fullfillment in serving hashem and your so just needs that spark to serve hashem in his way