W/O/W – You are correct that I do still have a lot of anger. That is true.
When I wrote restrictions, I meant what zahavasdad just said about chumras. I used college simply as an example of a something that yeshivish people will bash with absolutely no real logic behind it whatsoever.
You said “and a red shirt with jeans is not the acceptable ‘cover’ in our community.” Don’t you see? I simply can’t make it any clearer – it is an attitude like that that will turn off any teenage kid who isn’t a normal “yeshiva” kid. He doesn’t identify with the yeshivish kids and by you probably nagging and constantly telling him how thats an unacceptable cover, you are ONLY DRIVING HIM AWAY!! You simply MUST change you mindset. I hate bashing a whole community, but if that is the community you live in, youre probably in the wrong one or associating with the wrong people. I do get angry because in my opinion, kids are mostly innocent. they get the obnoxious attitude that “anyone who doesnt wear black and white isnt as good of a Jew” from adults like you, who just keep saying it without realizing the possible ramifications that it can have for kids who are slightly different.
Clearly, you “caring for him” by having this misguided attitude is not helping. Thats the same obnoxious attitude that missionaries have when they try to “save your soul”-“oh its for your own good”
Look, again, im trying to help. It truly does bother me when I see similar cases like I had that could be avoided. If youre just going to argue and defend your position which obviously does NOT seem to be working, then theres nothing anyone can do. I can only say that, bli ayin harah, I predict your son will not improve until you stop focusing on externals and communal reputations, and start focusing, truly, on him.