wow. I want to try to explain my last post as I think I wasn’t clear. My purpose in writing it was to offer another perspective, based on long-term hindsight, but if you don’t find it helpful, then please ignore it.
I’m not suggesting that you should do anything to make yourself a korban. If we take a step back and look at the larger picture, we see a community with strict standards and rejection of those who don’t keep the standards, and a boy who is challenging those standards. But the boy cannot just be cast out of the community, he is a Jew and we naturally want to draw him in therefore there is anguish, both by the parents and others affected by his challenge. And there is a conflict, because of those who love him and want to see him succeed, they will not just cast him out, but find themselves torn between their affiliation with the community that condemns and the boy they love and care about. Because of this conflict, a conversation starts, and questions are asked: is the community right or wrong? should the boy be defended? who is responsible? etc as you see this 300+ thread which is being read by who knows how many more Jews. And what brought about this conversation? A boy’s challenge to what he perceived as being wrong in the community. As we believe all events come through the yad Hashem, then it would seem that Hashem has chosen this boy (and others) and this family (and others) to be the catalyst for a conversation (one of many) that may bring change to an attitude that needs correction. Again, if this perspective is not useful, then just ignore it.