Reply To: Going off the Derech

LLL- I don’t care if his family isn’t going to be ‘black and white’. My kids know that we are machmeer, and I’ve often told them that they will make their own decisions regarding this when they raise their own families, and I accept their decision. It’s not about controling them, and who they will become. It’s about giving them a solid foundation from which they will build their own future.

far east-I’m not sure I agree with everything you said. You said Israeli kids who go off are much more likely to get thrown out of their houses, but I’ve never heard or seen that. It’s true that the tolerance level may be less in Israel, as the religious communities tend to be stricter and more uniform. And the other issue is that, unfortunately, there is more division between the religious and non-religious, so you’re either in one category or the other, without too much acceptance of either one for the other one. So a religious family that has a boy who doesn’t conform to the rules/look of the community, poses a real problem.

EH-You are right, there needs to be a change. But unfortunately, when something like this happens, it only seems to create more division and hostility due to fear, between the religious and non religious. Some families are afraid that their kids could go off the derech if exposed to anything ‘unacceptable’. Other families just don’t want the influence of anything that goes outside their hashkafa. That’s why you choose to live in a particular commuity, based on your level of observance. The ‘black and white’ communities frown upon computer access/internet etc for our kids, and rightly so. So when one kid, who has left yeshiva brings his laptop to a park to see videos, it causes a big problem for all the families who don’t want their kids exposed to such stuff. I know families whose kids have never seen a gameboy, who don’t even play ball etc. And depending on who I speak to, I can either be considered fanatic, or modern. I think America is much more integrated.