Reply To: Going off the Derech

M.O. Chossid- I can’t give too much detail, but my son doesn’t hate ‘Rabbonim’, it’s the haredim as a group he hates. Growing up in a haredi world, where he wasn’t exposed to anything secular, who else could he get upset with? Had he grown up secular, he might have also gone through negative experiences as a child, with different ‘players’. But bc he doesn’t think about it, he makes it a ‘haredi’ issue. The emotional abuse he went through in yeshiva from the boys is not a haredi issue, but a universal issue that (some) kids go through in all secular schools as well. My husband and I talk to him a lot, and we are not pushing anything on him. He is calling all the shots in terms of what he’s going to do, I’m just trying to clarify his options for him, and help him to look more long term, so that he sees there are consequences to whichever path he’ll choose. As much as I would like him to consider a yeshiva for next year, even the more relaxed yeshivas may not be an option at this point, bc just the mention of the word ‘yeshiva’ gives him such a bad feeling. However, I do appreciate any recommendations from everyone, and give everything over to my husband to look into it. Keep them coming!

mom12- I hear you! It’s so upsetting when mistakes are made in the yeshiva system, the consequences can be horrendous. But my husband always tells me, there’s no perfection in the secular world, so why do I expect it in the religious world? Perhaps bc the consequences can be grave! What happened to teaching each kid al pi darko?

Kids will always find fault with their parents, and a certain amount of rebellion is natural. However, we as observant parents, are in such a precarious situation, bc at a moment’s notice, any (natural) conflict or disappointment can be perceived as a ‘religious issue’ by our children. May Hashem help us all…

yitzyshalom-try asking the moderator what happened?