Reply To: Going off the Derech

aries2756-thank-you for your insights and advice. Some of the things you suggested, I’ve already been doing. But the main reason he is angry at his parents is for putting him in a religious school! He hates that he is religious, probably bc of some of the negative associations he has from ‘religious’ people. But had he grown up secular in a secular school, I’m sure he’d have a list of complaints about the non-religious people, bc that would be his reference point. So we, as parents, either way, are going to be ‘wrong’. And you’re right, his ‘friends’ are probably validating his feelings of hating religious people, bc most of them also hate religion and their parents. I agree with everything you wrote. And ‘on paper’, everything you said makes sense. But unfortunately, at least right now, my son is not interested in being reasonable or showing mutual respect. He wants to stay out as late as he wants, sometimes all night. He will never call us, and if we call him, he either doesn’t answer, or tries to hang up the second he answers. Also, every time he’s with his friends, he comes home more distant and angrier than before. It’s very hard (impossible?) to help him get past this stage of anger. We are sorely outnumbered, and spend only a small fraction of time with him due to his ‘unavailability’. I will, however, keep in mind everything you said, and pray that eventually, something will click…

The other issue is that he bought himself an android, and is now going out in the streets, trying to ‘catch’ someone else’s signal. He is on this thing at least 7 or more hours a day. Is it possible, that in this generation, a 16yo kid can do whatever he wants, without the parents’ consent? Who gave him permission to even buy this thing and bring it into my home, and expose my other children to this? And he is completely addicted to it! My husband wants to break it, but I’m sure if he did, my son would retaliate and break everything in our house. He shares a room with his brothers, and doesn’t respect our request of not using it in front of them. You said we shouldn’t control him, but who should control the running of the house? By not ‘controling’ him, he controls the house, and the chinuch, and the atmosphere, and, and, and..