“should follow in the footsteps of the Avos” – “it’s dafka the reason why he doesn’t feel good about himself, bc I saw him as ‘better’ than he ‘really was’, and he could never live up to my image of him”
Here I go again.. 🙂
It is impossible for a person to be like the avos. We say in davening every morning, ribbon kol ha’olamim – lo al tzidkaseinu anachnu mapilim tachanunei lephanechah – aval anachnu benei Avraham, Yitzchak ve’Yaakov
The Vilna Gaon and Rash said this. Their deeds were like nothing compared to the deeds of the avos.
The gemara says ‘chayav kol adam lomar masai yagiu maasai lemaasei avosai Avraham Yitzchak ve’Yaakov’ – a person is obligated to say to themselves – when will my actions reach the actions of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov.
Rb Yitzchak Blazer z”l in Kochvei Ohr explains the gemara means that you have to shoot for a star, becuase that will always keep you going, but it does not mean that you will be perfect like the avos.
You cannot tell your child he is the star or is like the star becuase then you have doomed them to failure. They can never be like the avos, that is impossible for them. The avos are a picture of perfection for the Jewish people, we cannot form our self image by judging ourselves against their madregah becuase that would destroy our self-belief.
We have to raise our children to be proud of us, of their grandparents and their personal family heritage. Rb Binyamin Zilber z”l said that the obligation to be samech be’chelko does not only apply to material acquisition – it applies to who we are and to our station in life. If my father is a baal tzedakah, then I am proud that he is a baal tzedakah! I don’t say, oh no, but he wasn’t Reb Chaim Ozer Grodzenski or Reb Yisroel Salanter or the Baba Sali!
Reb Chaim Schmuelevitz said that the obligation of kibbud av ve’em means that you should understand the point in your parents in which your parents are the greatest people in the world, becuase every person in the world is the greatest in one sweet point which is the core of their competency in this world.
Of course he could never live up to the expectation, it is an impossible expectation!
BTW did he ever meet his grandparents?