W.O.W I have not read the manual of twisted parenting so I don’t really know what was happening in your home. I also don’t know the protocol and procedure about calling the police. What happens there when you call the police? He is not really a missing child nor is he a runaway. So would the police help you?
I have avoided calling the police on kids in my neighborhood and called Hatzolah instead who helped to intervene especially when a child was drunk or high.
I dont believe in accepting unacceptable behavior, nor do I believe in not holding people accountable for their actions. I also don’t believe that he hates you, but I do believe that he is manipulating you. Going OTD is one thing being completely inconsiderate is another and they don’t necessarily have to go hand in hand. If you are going to follw TP you are going to have to believe in it 100% percent. I imagine that it must be much harder to do that when you are not part of the group, not able to hear the stories of the other parents and how they are coping, and not being able to speak with Avi face to face.
I would suggest that you calm down first and keep telling yourself that he is alive whether he is home or not. You are more angry with his chutzpah than you are concerned about him right now. So please take a couple of deep breaths and calm down.
I am a big believer in writing as I mentioned before. Since you can’t have a conversation with him, it might be beneficial to write him a letter. Let him know that you love him with all your heart and soul, and let him know that under all his anger you do believe he loves you too even though he is not showing it right now. Also let him know that you understand his pain and frustration and that he is at a crossroad in his life where he is confused. He is running away from what he feels caused him pain into the unknown because he is trying new things that are exciting to him but were foreign to him before.
Although he is confused, hurting, and exploring, he does not have any more of a right to hurt you or the rest of the family than those who hurt him. You are a family who love and care about him and when his friends move on and he finds new ones as the years go by, his family will not change, they will still be his family. The consant in his life, the ones he can always count on. And he is still a member of the family and always will be. Neither his pain, frustration nor confusion gives him the right to be inconsiderate, rude or offensive.
Staying out all night might seem cool to him, and if his intentions were to keep everyone else up worrying where he was, thinking that an Arab slashed his throat somewhere in an alley, then he accomplished his goal. If his intentions are to destroy his family while he finds what he is looking for then he should make that clear from the start so you can all have a family meeting and he can hear what everyone has to say about it. If his intentions are only to heal his wounds then he needs to find the time to speak to you and figure out a way that will give him the opportunity to do that without being inconsiderate, hurtful and destructive to the entire family while also explaining what kind of support he needs.
Whatever choices he chooses to make, he will have to live with the consequences that follow good or bad. Since he is making these choices on his own he will have no one to blame later on for bad choices or big mistakes so he needs to appreciate the power of choice and make hs choices wisely.
I would encourage any of the children who miss him and want to see him or speak to him to write to him as well.
Hatzlocha