this is the first time that i came on to this thread and i briefly skimmed what was happening.
I personally think that real life situations such as this shouldnt be discussed on ywn. nobody here is qualified to advise on such a matter.
What does ANYONE here know???????
speak to a rav, posek, experienced rebbe, your husbands rebbe, your sons rebbe, but you should not make decisions abt how to respond based on the shnooks in ywncr