I’ve been catching up on this thread (which…wow…its STILL here!!!) and there’s just one point I wanted to bring up because I obviously can’t address everything everyone said here. I’m so sorry that you have to see your son going through this. I know how heartbreaking it can be. I work with kids like your son and every time I see the next level it hurts me very much, emotionally and even physically–and I’m not the parent, so I can’t even imagine the pain you must feel. I hope your son finds his way and that you and your family never have cause to feel pain or cry again.
That being said, I think it was Aries who mentioned above that your son is on a dark journey that can’t really be reduced to a projected timeline. I don’t know what prompted the change in your son (maybe you mentioned it and I just didn’t read it) but whatever it is he’s unfortunately set on a path that ultimately only he can find his way out of. That doesn’t mean that he can’t be influenced by other people positively, but any decision he makes to change will ultimately be his decision alone.
Someone else mentioned the effect that your love will have on him. You said how painful it is to constantly love him but see no change, but I think there is an effect, or at least I see it in the kids I work with. We love them unconditionally but they don’t necessarily stop taking drugs, having “relationships” with girls, dealing, clubbing, partying, etc. But what usually happens, is that when they make the decision to change, when they decide that that life is no longer for them, they know exactly where they can go and to whom they can return. They remember that love and it helps them heal.
There was a kid who was hanging out with a fellow staff member and for months he didn’t change. One night we were in a car on the way home, me this other staff member, this kid and two of his friends, and he just starts saying over and over again about how he can’t keep living like this, that he needs to change, go back to yeshiva, and turn his life around. For a while I didn’t see him, and then I saw him outside a yeshiva dressed like a regular bachur and I said hi to him and he seemed genuinely happy. I talked to some people, including this staff member, and he had come to them for help and they had gotten him into this yeshiva. Despite anyone’es best efforts it had taken HIS decision to change. and when he wanted to, he knew where to go.
So I know it’s hard, and I know that you’re in a lot of pain right now, but please hold on, for his sake and yours…please hold on. When he decides to turn his life around, he’ll know where he can go.