write or wrong:
I’m not saying that parents’ love will protect a child from going OTD. What I was trying to say is that if you’re husband can find it in himself to let go of the anger and show the love and validation that your son really needs now, then like soliek said, when you’re son is IY”H one day ready, he will turn back to you.
I know about the chutzpah, its especially horrible in E”Y I’m sorry to say, even in the little children. My wife had an especially hard time dealing with that.
I don’t think you should feel guilty about your son going OTD. First of all, without him to really think about it, its impossible to say what really caused it. Maybe he had a problem with a Rebbe, maybe it was the culture shock of moving, maybe he saw something that seemed in contradiction to what he was taught or didn’t learn enough about emunah- an affliction that so many kids today are complaining about.
But second of all, as hard as it is, you should accept that your adult son is going through Hashem’s special nisayon for him. Whatever it is that brought him to where he is, its what Hashem wanted him to go through. Not something that you could have avoided had you done something different- because you couldn’t. Don’t make your family’s life revolve around him. Cry for him, yes. Daven for him, yes. But also have confidence in Hashem and in your son that everything will be for the best.
I always think that those that go off are those that the yetzer hara gives an extra hard nisayon because kol hagadol mechaveiro yitzro gadol haimenu. From what you’ve said, I can tell that your son is special- very sensitive and caring. Clearly he has the potential to reach higher levels in yiddishkeit than others or the yetzer hara wouldn’t be struggling so hard with him.
But he is still your child and a child can always detect the emotions of the parent. Especially one as sensitive at heart as yours. When he sees you happy and he is ready to be happy again, he will know where to find his own happiness. Be strong, don’t give up and keep davening for him. And when its his time, he will come back to you.