dear write or wrong, I’ve read all the post and believe my hart goes out for you.
I am a mother of 7 and I was almost there where you are now. The secular world seemed sooo atractive …that stated shortly after his Bar Mitzva. A very intelligent boy, whatever he learned came easy, talented in many ways but not musical. designing film stars and not wanting to look at the picture of a godol to design etc… We agreed to let him go to a jewish frum but with lots of secular studies for 1 year. and at the same time we sent an application to a very good Yeshiva abroad. That was the condition. During his year in school we gave him all the support, intrest, books etc that he wanted. this first zman in yeshiva this year has been very hard. Believe it or not, he was homesick! Calling a few times a day, talking to all his siblings ( what never happened before) bein hazmanim, he has been seeing his old friends, but his attitude at home is totally changed. his smile is back Baruch Hashem, we daven dat this change is a long lasting one.
what MY BROTHER suggests sound very good, but I wonder who are the others who are going with how far OTD are they?
I believe strongly that sending away to a new place where no one knows him, can do wonders, but of course you cannot force him, maybe you can make a deal, and it should not sound like it is forever.
whishing you lots of Hatzloch and syata Dishmaya