WOW, I don’t believe in “tough love” I believe in “loving tough”. That means loving hard and strong even though it hurts.
We can’t control other people only ourselves and we can’t change other people only ourselves, even our own children! The more WE try to control and change them, the more we tug on the rope that binds them to us, the more they pull away. It is only when we give them the slack they think they desperately need or want do they see that it is neither what they truly want nor what they need at all. But this is a learning process both for the child and the parent. This can’t be told to either, it has to be learned from experience.
It is the strong and loving parent who learns to ease up and let go a little at a time, just enough to allow them to take those independent steps they think they want. It is those parents who allow them to make their own mistakes, no matter how difficult it is to watch and how much it hurts to bear, that will eventually have nachas from the mature adults who learn life lessons from their experiences and dark journeys. Neither parent nor child may end up with what they want at the beginning of the journey, but both will learn to respect, appreciate and love one and other as the unique and special individuals that are, most dear and most important in each other’s daled Amos.