WOW, in coaching we have a term called POV, point of view or perspective. Of course you love him, but you have to realize that from his “point of view” or POV things are skewered. He doesn’t think as a mature adult, as you do. He sees things from a bit of a “twisted” perspective.
If you tell him “i can’t see your eyes, could you cut your bangs” you just want to see his beautiful eyes. He doesn’t her or understand that. He might hear “oh she is ashamed of my long hair, that’s all she cares about”. When you tell him you want him to come home at a reasonable hour he might hear “I want to control your every move”. Even though your words and meaning is very clear to you, he is neither hearing what you say the way you say them nor interpreting them the way you mean them.
So the mantra remains “I love you no matter what”. The best you can do is offer good advice. “you really are a smart young man, and it makes me sad that you would not choose to chase every opportunity to get a good education. I realize that you are not thinking about the future as I am and that you are making your own choices. I also realize that you will have to live later on with the outcome of the choices you make today, and that might make your life more difficult in the future. I am the parent that’s what we do, we worry about the future. My heart breaks that you are struggling now, and my heart breaks because you might struggle in the future as well. But I love you no matter what.”