Reply To: Going off the Derech

aries2756-expecting a child to be accountable and responsible when he’s absolutely not, may feel to the child that you don’t accept him for who he is. It is a fine line, and a very hard message to give over to someone who’s in pain and extremely sensitive. He may not be able to hear the message, “I accept you” when I am expecting certain behaviors from him (ie responsibility) that he can’t or won’t provide. And then if I were to compound the issue by making certain ‘rewards’ contingent on that behavior, he would end up never getting that reward, reinforcing his opinion that we actually hate him. I don’t think he would ‘rise up to the occasion’ and become responsible, bc it is too emotionally-laden an issue for him, especially at this weak moment of his life where he feels depressed, and is not able to tap into his own strengths to help himself.

As far as TP goes, we are actually not working with Avi bc my husband is not able to fully embrace TP hashgafa and do the things expected of him.