I want to tell you a story that might help the fighting with ur son and ur husband.
A wise Rabbi whose daughter was at risk related that when things were really bad and every conversation she had involved cursing, his daughter would scream “I hate you! I hate you!” And he would reply, “I love you! I love you!” When she finally reached a point of desperation, and she wanted to climb back up and reconnect Jewishly, whom did she ask to help her? Her father, who clearly communicated that whatever she did, wherever she went, she was his daughter and he loved her.
Also, when you do get a chance to speak to him, try asking him who he trusts. I know you asked him that before, but he didn’t give you a straight answer.
I wish you much Hatzlacha!!