WOW, I must say I’m extremely impressed. The manner in which you responded to MDG’s respectful yet careless post says a lot about your attitude towards people and your strength in handling negativity in an assertive but sensitive way. Judging by this we can most certainly assume that you have always done your very best to treat your child with respect.
MDG, I just don’t understand the logic in “The fact that he’s smoking and listening to music on Shabbos *in the house*… In my mind, it bespeaks a real sense of anger…a real need to lash out in a direct, searing, and hurtful way.”
Why does it have to be a *need* to lash out in such a way? Why can’t it just be a *choice* to do so? I understand a large number of OTD’s, especially the ones that act aggressively, did go through some hardships in their lives. But IMO this doesn’t give anyone the right to interpret *all* bad behavior in an adult child as a result of bad parents or teachers. He has a koach habechirah, and he obviously is using his to choose to be oiver not only on issurim she’bein adom lamokom, but on bein odom lachaveiro as well. My heart goes out to WOW, and I’d think we are mechuyav to be her dan l’kaf zchus at least as much as her child! I sincerely hope he’ll do teshuvah really fast and bring nachas to his devoted parents. Chazak to you, WOW. You are a strong woman we should all take a lesson from.