If the husband can not convince the court (preferably a Beis Din) to give him at least joint custody, his opinion is probably irrelevant. If the wife is guilty of serious misconduct the husband needs adequate representation in a court, but he’ll probably get custody. Allowing a husband to submit the matter to Beis Din, knowing that if the Beis Din supports his arguments, and the wife refuses to accept the Beis Din’s decision, the Beis Din will arrange adequate legal representation for him in the civil courts will probably convince the wife to compromise (and in any event the Beis Din will demand the man issue the “get” as a condition of getting support).
The problem today is that often neither party can afford legal counsel (or worse, only one can), and refusing to give the “get”, or “kidnapping” the children is the only affordable alternative for an aggreived party.