im 18 i grew up being hit as a child by my grandfather who i lived with. at the time i didn’t understand it, and i was even a little angry at him, but now looking back i realize that he did it because he loved me and he wanted me to grow up on the proper derech. i now appreciate every single blow he landed on me, and i wouldn’t trade it for anything. he made me what i am today.
but you should know. for every single slap he gave me, he game be 1000 times as much in love, affection, and attention. he taught me almost everything i know. he molded me into what i am today, and even though i lost him in 6th grade, i will always remember him fondly and with great hakaras hatov for everything he did for me. including the times he hit me.
you strike me as the liberal modern progressive type…so ill try and put this in terms you can understand. hitting a child, and loving them with all of your heart and soul are NOT mutually exclusive. one is the product of the other. my grandfather hit me because he felt an intense love toward me. how could he not hit me? how could he not make sure i understood what was right and what was wrong?
i know what youre thinking…there are other ways of dictating right and wrong, but you should know, and be honest with yourself, does sweet talking always help? is it not seen as weakness at times by children? are there not times where a child will feel rebellious? can you really reason with a small child? of course not. you can explain to teh best of your ability, but unless a parent or parental figure is love respected and yes, to a degree feared, that child will not grow up the way they should.
it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year, the next year, the next ten, or even twenty, but somewhere along the line you will come o realize that truth in my words. and you will understand that love and fear are not separate emotions. you will understand that hitting a child out of love is not the same as hitting out of hatred or a feeling for revenge. you will understand the difference between hitting out of genuine concern, and hitting because your ego is bruised. in short..you will understand that as much as you as a parent has an innate desire to coddle your child, and to make sure that he never experiences any hardship in his life, that your views are unrealistic.
you say that if your child cannot understand that crossing the street is dangerous you will keep him in the car, or on a harness. are you really doing what is best for the child? be honest with yourself…if you can rectify the problem with one concerned love filled hit, are you not damaging the child by withholding that from him? your child will never learn consequences of his actions, your child will never learn cause and effect if you keep sheltering him like you are. you may want to lock him away in a little bubble and never let him go for fear that he may not be able to handle the harsh outside world, but what happens when he is twenty? what happens when he of age to get married, and he has never experienced the real world, what then?
it is you, and people like you who are damaging their children permanently, not those that hit out of love. it is you who are stunting your children’s growth, not those that hit out of love. it is you who is preventing your child from getting the proper chinuch he should get, not those that are hitting out of love. pure love is a nice ideal, and its a nice idea to never discipline your child, but without the ultimate option of that discipline, how will he ever learn? what if you talk and talk, and talk, and your words are disregarded? what then? what about when he is 7 and you tell him not to rub his filthy hands on your freshly painted walls, and he goes ahead and does it anyway, what then? what if you tell him over and over again not to and he still disregards you what then? will you ask him nicely again, and let him do what is wrong? or will you hit him out of love so that he learns what is proper? or will you tear down the walls so he no longer has the opportunity to dirty them?!?
the key here is love. a parent that truly loves their child will be able to hit them and still love them, and the child will still love them back. if the reason of for the hit is pure, and out of love and concern it will come across to the child, and not cause animosity. the child will appreciate it every single time. i know i do.