Bomb,
Discipline is about teaching your child how to behave properly. If my child makes a mess, they have to clean up (with my help, to the best of their ability at that age). That helps them learn that we keep things clean as best we can. And yes, I can reason with my 2.5 year old.
He also knows that if he wants certain priveleges (like swimming in the pool or watching Mickey Mouse) he needs to behave. And he does.
He was having some trouble with hitting the baby. We realized it happened when the baby was playing with a toy that he wanted. We taught him how to verbalize his feelings to us and how to distract the baby with another toy so that he can enjoy the toy he wants. We also taught him that the baby has the right to keep the toy if he chooses. Is my 2.5 year old perfect? No, but we reinforce this. AND IT WORKS.
As I’ve said, I’ve never used a harness. I would rather use a harness to help teach my son (especially if I lived in a place like Brooklyn where the streets are much busier and kidnapping is more likely). Its not that you are pulling your child around – you are helping them develop boudnaries. Its an extra safety precaution. I would much rather do that then hit my child. As for dogs – people don’t hit dogs either. It always causes the dog negative behavior, not positive.
And the black room sounds awful too. I don’t endorse that.
I was never spanked. I’ve spoken to plenty of my friends who were and most were traumatized in some way. Most, not all. Is that a risk I want to take? No, especially when there are so many other options.
No one has given me an example where hitting was the only option.
[For those who are interested, the most successful thing we’ve done with my son is modified time outs. We go to the corner with him and talk about what he did wrong, what he should do in the future etc. I make him verbalize what he did wrong to his ability, so at 20 months or so he could just say “hit” and at 30 months now he can say “I hit the baby” or whatever it is. We also teach him words like “upset” and “mad” and “frustrated” and “sad” so he can talk about his feelings. This has minimized outbursts.]