i live with a family in e”y. the parents are very very thought out about chinuch – i mean if i told you some of what i’d notice you’d think they’re crazy or malachim, one or the other.
anyway, their youngest will be two next month. a few weeks ago, she was holding a small gamepiece that was small enough for her to swallow. so the mother said to her, ‘geb mir bitte.’ (please give it to me.) nothing. a couple more tries from the mother. nothing. father comes over. ‘esti, geb es tzu mamme yetzt!’ (give it to mommy now!) nothing. he took the thing out of her hand. then he took two of his finger and lightly tapped her cheek while saying ‘kibbud av va’em’ or derech eretz’ something like that i don’t remember. he let her cry for a minute and then took her onto his lap and gave her a ‘tzukerl’ a little candy.
i once saw him also potching hard his nine year old son. he let him cry for ten minutes (he’s older and more mature than the two year old; greater infraction, harsher consequence), and then was back to normal with him, loving as always.
i’ve been with this family for almost a year. those are the only two incidents that i saw.
their children are really special. i can tell you tens of stories that prove that their chinuch approach really works. but it’s not the potching that does it – it’s the extreme love that they show before and after the potching, that shows that they’re only doing for the child’s own good, but really, not just saying it like some parents.
you can only potch if done the right way. otherwise, it’s totally counterproductive – i come from a house like that and believe me, half of us kids were really adversely affected and are spiralling down pretty fast.
hatzlacha rabba!