thank you helpful. SJSinNYC i am not married so perhaps i completely missed the boat on this one…but here’s how i understood the whole “wash his feet” thing. (yes..i may have missed the boat, if so correct me).
i had an argument once with a few goyim. they said that the fact that hassidic women are told by their husbands to not get full time jobs, but to stay home taking care of the kids and the house is subjugation and prejudice. i replied that it is NOT subjugation, or prejudice, rather it is the nature of marriage. marriage being a partnership would…by it’s nature…have 2 facets or responsibilities. 1) someone has to provide the family. 2) someone has to take care of the kids for most of the day, being mechanech them in the derech hatorah, and take care of the house. the former being the man’s job, teh latter being the woman’s job. each “partner” has separate functions but the same responsibility to the marriage.
an example. 2 guys own a brand new skyscraper. one is charged with staying within the structure handling the “books” and taking care of teh actual maintenance of the building. the other is charged with going out every day, and finding people to rent all the suites and floors to. the first one is there all day and maybe leaves for 1 hour during working hours. the second one is out all day and maybe returns one hour during working hours. is teh second one being subjugated or experiencing prejudice? of course not. similarly by marriage each spouse has their responsibility.
how does this long winded explanation have anything to do with washing feet? well, as i understand it when the posek who said that a wife must wash his husbands feet said that (it may have been the rambam but I’m just saying that because i remember reading the “feminism” thread) because at the time it may have been an agricultural society and as such the husband would come home each day with rocks in his feet, and worn feet that would need to be washed and possibly rubbed in order to allow him to work the next day. that would indeed fall under the wife’s obligations seeing as her staying home is what indeed allows him to work, she is what facilitates his work, and as such may indeed have been responsible to wash his feet in order to insure that he CAN work the next day and fulfill his part of the partnership. i would say that a wife being responsible for the household’s laundry would be the same these days.
GETTING BACK ON TOPIC.
SJSinNYC whether or not i am right in what i said above in this post, your arguments are terribly invalid, misinformed, and frankly childish. it reminds me of times when i have debated and when my opponent has clearly lost they would resort to tactics much like yours. they are ridiculous.
you want a specific case where it is necessary, but that is impossible. there is no formula. i am not a parent so i clearly cannot give you a clear example. however i would wager that if oomis gave you an example you would tell her she was wrong and proceed to suggest another method that may or may not have worked.
each case is different. i would assume that a parent makes the judgment by case where he/she knows that the only way to get the point across is by hitting the child. i would assume, oomis back me up here, that THEY DON’T LOOK IT UP IN HITTING KIDS FOR DUMMIES!!! it is an instinctive method. as for your kids resenting you…look at me. i don’t resent my grandfather who hit me. oomis never felt traumatized. I’m sure there are more examples posted here, I’m just too lazy to find them. the point is, you see that it does not traumatize you, and there is no resentment toward the parent IF DONE RIGHT!
to be honest if you are scared to hit your kid because he may resent you, whether or not you actually hit him, you need to work on yourself.