Guys,
There is no one way that it absoloutly correct and one way that is absoloutly wrong in these inyanim. What is abusive or ineffective in one time or culture or community may not be so in another. It is like this in other areas as well, such as dating how to dress and marriage (if you describe how some chasidishe or marriages work to a goy many would consider it abusive i.e. what!? Your husband has a right to tell you that you cant learn to drive?! and yeshivish marriages- What!? your husband has a right to tell what you shouldnt wear?! and even most regular not so yeshivish marriages-What?! your husband tells you cant uncover your hair!?)
What works for chinuch in place is not necesseraly correct in another