Lightbrike: “If a wife reduced her tzniut standards, than al pi din, that’s a dealbreaker. If a wife increases her level of tzniut to the point where a husband is not attracted to her, than that is a problem requiring pastoral and marital counseling.”
What you are saying is basically true, but I would just like to add a clarification. When you say that if she increased her level of tznius…, I assume that we are talking about something that is a chumra. If she had not been aware of or had not kept a particular HALACHA, obviously she is required to keep it.
My friend’s cousin grew up not knowing that covering one’s hair is a halacha (I guess she thought it was a chumra.) One day, after she had already been married many years, she found out that it is the Halacha. As soon as she heard this, she started covering her hair. Her husband tells her every day how ugly she is, so it is very hard for her and takes a lot of mesiras nefesh, but she continues covering her hair anyhow. She sometimes tells my friend that it is really hard and maybe she should stop, but my friend always encourages her by reminding her of how much schar she is getting. (and yeah, I don’t get her husband either).
On the other hand, if an Ashkanazi woman had always worn a sheitel and decided one day that she wants to stop and her husband doesn’t want her to, I would agree that it would be wrong for her to stop, since not wearing a sheitel is a chumra for Ashkenazim.