Lightbrite – First of all, Kol hakavod! it sounds like you are doing a great job with working on tznius! I don’t think it’s necessarily a matter of “living a double life”. You are working on things one step at a time, just as we are supposed to. If that is called “living a double life” then we all live double lifes! We all have Yetzer tovs and yetzer hara’s. That is how Hashem created us and how we are meant to be. We are constantly battling our yetzer haras. Sometimes we give in more, and sometimes less.
I heard a really amazing story that I was reminded of when I read Person1’s first point. There was a kid-at-risk who was struggling very hard to get back on track. One Shabbos, he was trying very hard not to smoke. He went one hour, two hours, three hours, and then four hours, it was too hard for him, and he gave in to his yetzer hara. He got really depressed, and he spoke to his Rebbe or mentor about it. His Rebbe said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take the gehinnom you would get for smoking on Shabbos. But, only on one condition. You must give me the Gan Eden you have coming to you for not smoking on Shabbos for four hours.”
I thought that was a beautiful story and one you should keep in mind, Lightbrite.
ps: I’m not trying to say that you are necessarily going to gehinom for the times you don’t dress tzniusly. I don’t know Hashem’s cheshbonos, and I don’t want you to get the wrong message from the story. Just trying to counteract some of the prior fire and brimstone messages.