Reply To: DIVORCE CRISIS – young couples getting divorced

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I believe couples are more interested about getting married than being married. The emphasis is on the wedding and NOT on the marriage. And that is both for the girl and the boy. They are not looking for the right qualities in their future spouse. Basically they are not really looking for anything but surface concepts. Just because a boy is a good learner that does not mean he is a mentch or will make a good husband. Just because a girl is a size 2 or has wealthy parents that doesn’t mean she will be a good wife or a good mother. She will probably expect her husband to treat her the way her father did.

Today’s shidduch scene focuses on superficial nonsense. And yes we live in a disposable world and maybe it is too easy to get a divorce and go back to Mommy. Especially because Mommy and Daddy are paying for everything anyway. And when they do pay, they also in many cases have an opinion and interfere between the couple. Many divorces happen because of parental interference. Many divorces happen because the shidduch wasn’t a shidduch to begin with. Many divorces happen because the couple aren’t mature enough to say sorry and try to work out their differences or try to compromise. Many divorces happen because friends and neighbors interfere and instead of saying “yes I hear your point of view but you also have to try to listen and understand your spouse’s point of view. You may both be right in this situation and neither of you are wrong. So where do you go from here? Could you compromise or take turns on having your way?” Instead of egging a person on and telling them they are right and their spouse should respect that.

Many times Rabbonim who are not really involved in Shalom Bayis also give the wrong advise and just quote Halacha without applying it to the situation and also lead a couple to fight more or down the path to divorce.