Copy of a leaked memo from El Al to JetBlue employees
>
> Subject: Unique aspects of a flight to Israel
>
> Dear JetBlue employees:
>
> Welcome to the El Al family – or as we say in Hebrew, Bruchim haba’im!
>
> We’re so excited about our new partnership. We here at Israel’s
> national air carrier are eager to make this transition as smooth as
> possible and thought it would be helpful to sensitize you to some of
> the cultural differences you may encounter with your new customer
> base.
>
> Security lines: Passengers are instructed to arrive at the airport
> six hours before a flight. This may seem excessive, but Israel’s
> crack security service demands it on the theory that no terrorist
> would be dedicated enough to spend six hours in a crowd of Jews.
> Kidding! The six-hour time period allows our security team to ask
> essential questions of our passengers, including “Do you have family
> in Israel? Where do they live? What is the purpose of your visit?” It
> also allows time for the person behind you in line to ask the very
> same questions, in even greater detail. What you might call
> “intrusive rudeness” is merely what our people call “Jewish
> geography.”
>
>
> Luggage: We allow each passenger to stow luggage weighing up to 6,000
> pounds. Again, this may seem generous by American standards, but it
> is in response to our passengers’ need to bring books for their
> cousins in B’nei Brak, appliances for their neighbors’ in-laws in
> French Hill, and industrial-size boxes of M & M’s for Israeli
> soldiers.
>
> Boarding: We board our flights for maximum efficiency, in the
> following order: Families with young children, families with six or
> more young children, families with eight or more young children,
> individuals with physical limitations, individuals with aches and
> pains that may be something but they won’t know until they see a
> specialist, individuals who cut in line.
>
> Carry-on luggage: You may not think a double stroller, six Borsalino
> hat boxes, and a Samsung flat-screen television are unable to fit in an
> overhead bin, but please don’t underestimate our passengers. During
> this portion of the flight it might be a good idea for flight
> attendants to retreat to the galley and have a beer. Or two.
>
> Safety instructions: Hebrew is written from right to left. Similarly,
> in order to accommodate our passengers’ unique sensibility, our
> instructions are delivered backward. When we say, “Please do NOT stow
> items under the seat in front of you,” our passengers think, “I’ll
> damn well stow my items anywhere I want to,” before stowing them
> under the seat. When we say, “Please move freely about the cabin,”
> our passengers respond, “If they think I am budging from this seat,
> they have another think coming.” It works like a charm.
>
> In-flight behavior: At some point during the lengthy overseas flight,
> bearded men will crowd the aisle, wrapped in leather straps and white
> shawls. Do not be alarmed! They will not ask you to join them!
>
> Food service: As a Jewish airline, we serve clientele with unique
> dietary needs. Our choices include kosher, glatt kosher, kosher
> dairy, kosher meat, kosher pareve, glatt kosher dairy, gluten-free
> kosher meat, lactose-free kosher with nuts, lactose-free kosher
> without nuts, low-salt kosher pareve, high-salt gluten-free kosher
> meat, and “just bring me a box of cereal and some milk.” Remain calm
> and do not reach for the emergency chute.
>
> Landing: Passengers will often burst into applause when the plane
> touches down in Israel. This is because a) they are deeply moved by
> the thought of arriving in the Land of their Ancestors; b) they are
> still surprised, even after 60 years, that a Jew can safely pilot an
> airplane;
> We hope you find these tips useful as you welcome El Al passengers
> aboard JetBlue.