Subject: The Irish
======== =================================
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they’re going to drill for their own oil.
======== =================================
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my mother in law.
They said, “Is this your mother in law, sir?”
Shocked, I answered, ” Yes.”
They said, “I’m afraid it looks like she’s been hit by a bus.”
I said, “I know, but she has a lovely personality.”
================================== =============
Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road.
The first one picks it up & says, “Blow me I know this face but I cant put a name to it.”
The second picks it up & says, “You daft idiot it’s me!”
==================================================================
Paddy’s in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and see’s him hanging by his feet.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” Paddy replies.
“It should be round your neck,” says the guard.
“I tried that,” says Paddy, “but I couldn’t breathe.”
===================================================
Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house.
Paddy picks up a nail, looks at it, then throws it away.
He carries on doing this until Murphy says, “Why are you throwing them away?”
“Because they’re upside down,” says Paddy.
“You daft idiot,” replies Murphy, “save them for the ceiling!!”
====================================================
Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, “I love you.”
She asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?”
He replies, “It’s me… talking to the beer.”