Moishe Goldberg was on his death bed and asked Rabbi Solomon to come and visit him.
The dying man said nothing so Rabbi Solomon repeated his order.
Still Goldberg said nothing.
Rabbi Solomon asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce Satan and your evil inclination?”
Moishe Goldberg said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
^
^
^
An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find Hymie sitting at a card table with a bunch of ties laid out on it.
The Arab asked “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”.
Hymie replied “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your robes.”
The Arab replied, “I don’t want a tie, I need water.”
“OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”
The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where Hymie was sitting behind his card table.
Hymie said “I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?”
The Arab rasped, “I found it all right. But they wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”
^
^
^
^
A man is laying on the operating table, about to be
operated on by his son, the surgeon.
The father says, “Son, think of it this way…If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you.”
^
^
^
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?”
One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”
“Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”