Randomex, I don’t agree. Obviously a certain level of research is generally appropriate, and one should have a list of qualities that one is looking for in a spouse to filter out potential partners who may not be compatible. On the other hand, sometimes everything can look great “on paper” and then, for whatever reason, after hours of effort has been expended on both sides, it just doesn’t work. Everyone has a story of a couple they know who met by accident, or weren’t interested in that type of person, or whatever– you know, the girl who didn’t want to go out with Persians who married a Persian, or the guy who was not willing to relocate who relocated for a girl. This happens with characteristics that are both superficial (height, weight) and those that inherently matter more (whether he “learns” or “earns”; whether she will stay home or work). Think about it: how on earth did those couples meet? And wouldn’t you like to encourage more of those “shidduchim” to happen, since they seem to be working? I am not suggesting that we throw our system of research down the drain, but perhaps we might experiment with a different system in addition (cautiously, of course).
P.S. My husband and I have one of those such “meeting by accident” stories. We recently celebrated our first anniversary and couldn’t be more thankful that Hashem brought us together, regardless of the way it happened. Ironically, if we had both been working with the same shadchan, we would very likely have been matched, since we do in fact have “on-paper compatibility”.