I just want to comment on the shallowness and superficiality of the shidduch system.
In the outside world, profiles of candidates admit if they have less than perfect and are often realistic regarding what they are looking for in a person.
In our system, too much falsehood prevails. The consequences can, chas v’shalom, be defeating toward the goal of a happy and healthy marriage.
Firstly, by us age is a critically important variable, even by as much as one year. The chemistry between two people is not really a concern for all the other people involved.
Secondly, while it is important to look nice and look your best, losing 50 pounds for a few months only to gain it back afterward, is not representative of the real you. There is too much pressure on people to be a perfect, 8″ x 10″ glossy photo of their ideal self.
Thirdly, every tzaddik can find people to endorse the fact they are a gem. But also, every trouble maker finds supportive people who tell the world they are a tzaddik, as well, just to get them married off. In short, and in general, every boy is a tzaddik no matter what, and every girl is loaded with middos and acts of chesed before the marriage.
What about the notion of dating someone you find you really like in a three dimensional way whether they have perfect middos and are a low BMI, or not?? It aint gonna happen here unless youths go off on their own to see who is out there; and that has it’s own tangled web of possibilities.
A (not the) solution? The boy and girl should feel comfortable to be honest about who they are; their likes and interests. Forget the status quo and build-ups. None of us are wholley the person everyone else says we are when we go out on a date. That is a false image and leaves the real person and their true and unique good traits locked up inside.
For the most part, daters are very young with little or no experience. The adults should realize it’s not necessary to schmaltz them all up, even if it’s meant with love. Finding your other half has to be internal as well as external. Trust in Hashem to help the process once you keep it real.