LB – it is very rare to hear of anyone nowadays who doesn’t listen to music at all. That is why you never heard of it. I think I may know one Rav who doesn’t listen to music at all, but I’m not even sure about him.
The halacha is different for Simchas. I don’t think anyone says you can’t have music at a chasuna. It’s only in Yerushalayim that there may be a problem with having a band at a chasuna. Some people deliberately make weddings outside Yerushalayim to avoid the problem, some say the problem is only in certain parts of Yerushalayim and I think some might say it depends on the size of the band.
Your Rav or Rebbetzin won’t be offended if you ask. Just about everyone today listens to music and there are reasons why it’s allowed, so no one would feel bad about it. They are not doing anything wrong, so there is no reason for them to feel bad. But it is very sweet and sensitive of you to ask!