Lightbrite – there are many shadchanim who don’t insist on getting paid. Some don’t charge, and others only take money if the people can afford it. Someone I know interviewed a shadchan who said that sometimes when the couple is poor, he gives the money back as a wedding gift.
Other shadchanim tell you straight-out before you meet them that they charge x amount of money. So if you can’t afford it, you don’t go to meet them. You don’t have to go to that shadchan and you don’t have to go to a shadchan at all.
I was really annoyed by one shadchan who called me out of the blue having gotten my number from someone. I wasn’t interested in meeting her or didn’t have time, and she kept pressurring me. When I finally agreed, she told me that she charges a certain amount of money that I didn’t have.
I told her I didn’t have that amount of money. She mentioned that she has a lower rate for people who can’t afford it, so I was like, “great”, but then she told me that it’s only for baalei teshuva because they are poor. So I tried to explain to her that I was also poor, but she couldn’t understand how it’s possible for an ffb to be poor, and she kept insisting that I couldn’t possibly be as poor as a baal teshuva.
The whole thing was really upsetting. Don’t keep pressuring someone to meet with you and then tell them that you charge money! Actually, it’s usually the ones who charge who pressure me like that.