If you are “makpid on looks” to impress those around you, yes you are shallow.
Yes, Jewish men are generally less attractive than non-Jewish men. Part of the reason is that many of them don’t work out, are pale and white and have the same wardrobe and haircut. There is much less individuality.
Jewish women tend to take pride in their appearance (me not so much LOL).
You absolutely should be attracted to your spouse. Sometimes, I laugh at the “beauty” a picky guy ended up with.