My 2 cents:
Contrary to a previous post, the Avos HaKedoshim were not makpid on looks. Avrohom Aveinu did not even notice Sorah’s beauty until they went to Mitzrayim, Yitzchak Aveinu met Rivkah after the Shidduch had been made, and Yaakov Aveinu clearly felt that the Shidduch with Rochel was Bashert.
The Bobover Rebbe ZY”A was quoted as saying, “people look for 6 things in a shidduch. 3 are irrelevant, 3 are indespensible.
The 3 that are irrelevant are money,looks and yichus; the 3 that are indespensable are middos, middos and middos”.
Having said that, I certainly agree that spouses need to be attracted to each other, and men in particular may still have a strong nisayon. The Gemora makes it clear that this is a most powerful Yetzer Hora.