As I am in a rush, I’ll try to give an example to explain. its the difference between “How can I find a way to serve HKBH even with my doubts, my weaknesses, my pride and my limitations?” and “I don’t want to serve HKBH in this way but I do because of my family, my peers or my environment. I don’t get it, I don’t want to get it, and its meaningless to me.” The first is struggling with Hashem.
To me, its how in the story Elie Wiesel z’l wrote about the court of Jews in an Auschwitz barracks they tried and found HKBH “chayyav” and then they davened mincha. The second is abdicating responsibility to live as a Jew and finding rationales to NOT serve HKBH, only doing so when expectations force one to – but with an emptiness rather than enthusiasm.
I don’t know how I can explain it better. I strive to struggle WITH HKBH. In my field of work, we call even a challenging interaction “engagement”. it is predicated on “with”. What is predicated on “against”? insincerity, debasement and devaluation of a meaningful life, anger, vindictiveness, guilt.