Jfeminist,
I am positive I posted this (megilla) last night and it’s not here! 🙁
Maybe I accidentally added it to an other thread…
You want husband and wife to have equal roles. I will tell you that, that should not and will not happen. Men and women are inherently different and will therefore automatically fall into different roles. That is not because they are trained to do that but because they are naturally fit for their roles. Hashem made them each the way they are and no human being can change that even if it bothers you. That is why they will not change roles. Why they should not change roles is because they each have different needs and it would not be fair for a wife to be treated according to the way her husband would like to be treated and vice versa.
This example, although a bit silly, might help you understand what I mean:
Imagine a woman who has two sons, one who is blind and one who is deaf. If she were to treat them equally she would make the one who’s blind learn sign language because the deaf one does and make the deaf one learn braille so he could be like his blind brother. Or maybe she would say that neither should learn any because the other does not learn it. This would be equal but not fair! They each have different needs and need to be treated accordingly. So too a man and woman have different needs and need to be treated accordingly.
I am not pretending to be an expert in this area, but based on my limited knowledge as well as my common sense. This seems very clear to me.