Bachur 2.0 PLEASE PLEASE do not give up or give in. This may just be a last leg of a nisayon. To test yourself to see if you have really closed that door (for your own knowledge, not for others)
You are so right about how qualitative your emunah may be, people who go thru difficult times and turn to Hashem have so much growth and emunah under their belt that so many others don’t have.
I obviously don’t know you but I want you to know (as a mom of both girls and boys) that there are MANY people out there who will be willing to look your way. Even girls without a past. But there are people who are not willing to, and they are not for you. Be grateful for the natural selection process!!! It will save you money from having to go out with everyone and learning later they don’t want you.
In terms of shidduchim I also had a “past” because I grew up modern and went to coed camps and schools. I had the same experiences as you in who would consider me and who wouldn’t. But I learned a few things about the view points over the last 26 years. I see the drawback of marrying someone with a “past” WITHOUT knowing how connected they remain to old habits, and I also see that my husband, who is a baal tshuva, was so much more growth oriented than so many of the FFB men I had dated.
So DON’T take it personally!! Keep davening!! Keep growing!! and know how much Gd loves you for all you have done for him. You sound like a true eved Hashem and you will find the right one at the right time and hopefully not a moment earlier.