I was telling you about my past to let you know the concept has been around forever and that it is individuals, not everyone. I have several children in that age group and have been in the situation you write of, checking out people who have changed or grew up differently. I get it, but if that is all you are bumping up against you may want to stay away from NY shidduchim where those “criterea” seem to be more black and white (and I don’t mean clothing). But, like I said, it will depend on you yourself. I have a close friend who has come miles from where he was at and is very learned and fine but still hangs on to some very demeaning views of rabbanim and certain institutions. In my opinion it is very unhealthy for his children to grow up hearing/witnessing that. So it isn’t just where you are at, but what you have retained inside and what you have left behind. Someone who knows you will see what is there.
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