LB, I hear where you are coming from. I think that the standard of dress should be ok no matter where you are or who you are with. If you are embarrassed to be that way in front of the Rav, then maybe it is not appropriate at any time. That said, tznius does not mean plain or nerdy. You are allowed to look nice, dress well, be fashionable, wear heels as long as the look you are giving is attractive but refined, and not provocative.
In terms of heels vs flats, it probably depends on the woman’s height (and her husband’s) and whether she is comfortable contorting her feet.
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