I still think that my understanding of the Gemara is correct – we daven to be on the level that we would be ready and able to give up our lives al kiddush Hashem if faced with such a situation, but we are not davening to be in such a situation.
On a practical level, even if there would be a concept of davening to die al Kiddush Hashem, you would have to first be on the level of being ready to do so before the concept of davening to do so would have any meaning to it.
Since most of us are not on that level, it would only make sense for us to be davening to be on that level (as opposed to davening to actually have to do so). If someone who is not on that level of Ahavas Hashem of being ready and willing to give up his life al Kiddush Hashem goes ahead and davens to be able to die al Kiddush Hashem, there is clearly something very twisted about that, and it is coming from the wrong place (somewhat similar to what is wrong with wearing a burka).
You can’t daven to die al kiddush Hashem without first being on the level of Ahavas Hashem of being ready to die al Kiddush Hashem.
And that is the reason why I think the Gemara can’t mean what Joseph thinks it means.