bmyer, I am trying to understand what you asking now- are you asking whether it is essentially possible for a girl to marry just about anyone (who fits the basic picture hashkafically, etc), as long as she has the right attitude? That there is no point in extensive dating because the emotions that one expects to see aren’t real or important anyway? That since you will never be 100% happy with everything about the guy, that it doesn’t really matter who the guy is, as long as you are prepared to live with his faults and make the marriage work?
Perhaps there are those who approach marriage in this way, I even read a dating advise book along those lines, but i personally can’t accept that. Marriage is supposed to be about uniting 2 halves of a neshama. I think when people talk about “just knowing he was right” they mean that their neshamos connected, not that they fell in love. One needs a lot of siyata dishmaya to find her/his other half, so a lot of davening is necessary.