It’s hard to explain, and I don’t want to resort to “when it happens to you, you will understand what I mean”
I can only explain from my experience. When I was dating my husband, pretty quickly I realized that he was the right one. It had little to do with lists, although he did have the most important things that I needed. But of course he didn’t fit everything, yet that did not bother me because I knew/felt it was right – even issues that may have been a definite no with other shidduchim in the past. Was I wrong to have said no about those issues in the past then? No, because I was not meant to marry them. That is where the siyata dishmaya comes in- you make your decisions, and Hashem will help that those decisions bring about the right result.
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