Actually, all this could be solved by simply not having any women, including the Kallah, at the Chassunah. There is no reason for any of them to be there.
All you need to do is have a shliach accept the kiddushin for the bride. Have the chassunah and then, later on that night, after everyone has left, have the bride delivered to the chassan’s residence in the presence of two witnesses and watch them close the door. All done. True, you will not be able to recite sheva b’rachos after the seuda, but that’s not essential for the wedding to be valid. The marriage is 100% valid even if the couple never has a Sheva B’rachos.
So, let’s just ban all women (including brides) from weddings. That will solve all of Joseph’s problems.
The Wolf