Enough Divorces,
1. Verbally abusive is a relative term and covers a wide spectrum.
No it’s not, and no it doesn’t. When I write verbally or physically abusive, I mean a pattern of behavior that makes a safe and healthy marriage impossible.
2. A spouse’s reaction, tolerance and understanding towards her/his spouse’s behaviour has more to do with her/his own personality, issues, and communication skills, than it has to do with who’s right or wrong.
You are conflating two completely separate concepts. Yes, a person owns his/her feelings and responses to someone else. If someone snaps at his/her spouse, the spouse has a choice of whether I think, “s/he snapped at me because s/he’s had a hard day and is very tired, I should let this go”, or “s/he hates me.” But the choice of response has NOTHING to do with the inherent rightness or wrongness of the other spouse’s behavior. Nor the obligation to treat one’s spouse lovingly and with respect, which does not go away just because your spouse is a tzaddik. Hashem knows what is in your heart.
3. Dirty socks and dishes most likely include underlying passive agressiveness as a way of countering the spouse’s previous behavior, which indicates weak communication skills s on her/his part.
Wow, first you admonish me about the importance of responsibility for how you respond, and then you come up with this gem of unfavorable judgement?
Actually you are the one making DANGEROUS comments, as it’s your attitude that is leading to an alarming divorce rate in our community to the detriment of yiddeshe kinder.
Since you seem to believe that you know my thoughts and attitude, can you save me the typing time and spell them out for me?