M,
Your rebbi might be a malach Hashem, but perhaps you want to have a different marriage than he does? Perhaps he is rarely home, doesn’t cook, clean, shop, or help with the children. That’s perfectly ok and I sincerely believe that he and his wife can be genuinely happy with that arrangement. But maybe you won’t be. Or your wife won’t be. There’s no guarantee that two people will want the same things in a marriage, even if they did 10 or 20 years ago when they got married.
If I want to buy a new car, I may save money for a down payment by avoiding eating out for a year or two, even though I love eating out. I want both, but decided that the car is my priority, so I made a choice consistent with those values.
A Jewish husband’s marriage, as a part of his avodas Hashem, is a TOP priority. Therefore, he is willing to make a lot of accommodations in his life for his wife. A Jewish wife’s marriage is also a top priority for her, and therefore she also is willing to make a lot of accommodations to her husband. That’s a lot of accommodation power to work with.
I’m not saying that wanting different things from a marriage is a valid justification to get divorced, but I think it’s a reasonable one.
What are we talking about, one spouse who wants children and the other not? Or one spouse wants to move to Florida, and the other Montana?
Remember that according to Beis Hillel valid justifications for divorce include הקדיחה תבשילו and according to R’ Akiva include מצא אחרת נאה הימנה. Can you believe that?! Would you approve of these “justifications”/”excuses”? Maybe these would be insufficient — or even “liberal” — reasons in your eyes, but they are reasonable to R’ Akiva and Beis Hillel.
Perhaps a man who would divorce his wife for trivial reasons is so wicked that his wife is better off without him?
All of these situations are terribly sad — people whose lives are upended, whose dreams are shattered, children hurt, and often it’s not because of any one person’s fault, maybe not either of their faults. Maybe they just fell out of love, or were never in love in the first place, and they want something else now.
Sounds awfully selfish to me.
and thought it was in yours and your spouse’s and childrens’ best interest to work towards ending it, I would be understanding, even if the mizbayech will shed many tears.
That’s very different from what you wrote in the rest of the paragraph.